Newsletter January 2014

Have a Plan for Dealing With Peer Pressure

The challenges of adolescence can be harder for parents to deal with than for their kids.

According to research from the Love and Logic Institute, 87 percent of American adults believe children and teens are influenced as much or more by their peers than a generation ago.

Parents usually try to talk to their teenager about their concerns. But talking may only make the situation worse.

Parents can use a simple Love and Logic® technique called “What’s Your Plan?” to avoid this argument and add to their peace of mind when teenagers claim they are ready to handle peer pressure.

“I’m Not Ready” Indicators:

“Oh, mom. You know I don’t do stuff like that. I’m a good kid.” This young person has not developed a plan for handling peer pressure and is trying to say what is expected.

“Don’t you trust me? Why can’t you just trust me?” This is probably a manipulative statement designed to put the parent on the defensive.

“Oh, mom. I just do what you told me. I just say “No.” Most teens and even many adults are not comfortable saying NO to a good friend.

I’ll just tell them doing drugs is stupid.” This statement usually is made only to impress the parent.

“I’m Ready” Indicators:

A teenager who is ready to handle the pressure usually indicates a well thought out plan.

“You know, Mom, if a kid wants me to try drugs, I’ll tell him I like him and want to do things with him, but drugs really aren’t my thing. And then I’ll thank him and suggest something else we could do.”

A teenager once said he actually looks forward to being offered drugs or alcohol. “I’ve got this great routine,” he laughed. “I tell them I’ve got a big time problem with my parents. They just aren’t very “with it.” If they knew I tried anything, they’d take all of my college money and put me in a rehab program even if I didn’t need one. They’re so unreasonable I can’t take a chance. But thanks anyway.”

This teen has a plan and his odds for successful dealing with peer pressure are much higher than someone without a plan.

Give Your Children the Values They Deserve

By Dr. Charles Fay

Peers, TV shows, movies, magazines…With so many external pressures facing our kids at younger and younger ages, we often wonder:

“Can I get my children to listen to me…instead of the ‘cool’ kids at school?”

“How do I teach my child the importance of hard work, honesty, and humility?”

How can I reach them when they get so many messages that seem to say, “Who you are is not as important as how good you look, and how many things you own?”

Using the following tips, parents can have a much stronger influence than any friend or TV commercial:

Tip #1: Instead of telling your kids how to live, show them.

Actions speak louder than words.

Tip #2: Talk about your values.  What we say in front of our kids is more important than what we say to them.

Tip #3: Teach character and responsibility with empathy and consequences.  Allow Teens to make mistakes in safe situations. Help them develop character and positive values when they learn that poor decisions result in uncomfortable consequences.

Parents who deliver consequences with anger raise kids who spend their lives feeling angry and who reject their parents’ values. If those same parents replace anger with empathy, their children begin to see them as caring and recognize their values are important.

Charles Elias
PRN for Families
888-762-5973